Night time is the right time to confuse your gun for your penis

benfell

See updates through June 11, 2022, at end of post.

(With apologies to Ray Charles.[1])

I’ve described Pittsburgh’s South Side as the place where stupid people go to do stupid stuff. Like getting drunk. Like getting loud. Like lacking any socially redeeming value whatsoever.[2] Like getting tattoos: It seems like all of Pittsburgh’s tattoo parlors are in the South Side, which should tell you something both about tattoos, as in you have to go to a particular part of town to get them, and the South Side, as being that part of town.

It’s also becoming a scary place[3] where there are large, drunken, and frequently violent crowds, including people who confuse their guns for their penises and use them accordingly.[4]

“There’s a lot of people. I can’t even count. Sometimes they’re just roaming around, others are in large groups just talking,” said Thandar Lin, a worker at Street Noodles.

Lin said the owner of the restaurant is afraid to go outside at night.

“You never know, you could be in the crossfire,” Lin said.

Their business relies heavily on late night business but they said recently they’ve been hearing gunshots nearly every weekend. . . .

“What happens in public space benefits no one,” [City Councilman Bruce] Kraus said. “Because then at 2, 3, 4 o’clock in the morning, people are drunk, fist fights break out, handguns come out and people die.”[5]

But Pennsylvania is a white Christian nationalist state and the courts have been adamant that Pittsburgh cannot control guns,[6] even in the wake of the anti-Semitic white supremacist Tree of Life massacre,[7] even in the wake of a rash of shootings earlier this year,[8] and you can forget about help from the state legislature; they’re just as confused about their guns and their penises[9] as the kids in the South Side.[10]

And for the young, determined to be drunk,[11] and determined to be stupid, the South Side is Pittsburgh’s counterpoint to widespread poverty and the problems associated with poverty. A lack of socially redeeming value is the point.

Update, June 7, 2022: Added a citation[12] to the reference about Pennsylvania state courts being adamant that local communities cannot control guns. This, so far, at least, really changes nothing, but it does appear that a case seeking to strike down the preemption law is headed to the Pennsylvania state Supreme Court, which might strike the law down, allowing local communities—we’re really talking about Pittsburgh and Philadelphia here—to enact regulation. The article also offers a good summary of the background to the controversy,[13] which is probably the principal reason I’m taking the trouble to add it here.

The case in question argues that the preemption law impairs cities’ ability to protect the health, safety, and welfare of their citizens and at least one judge accepted that this was a “novel” constitutional question for the Supreme Court to consider.[14] I am not a lawyer, but my guess is that the issue of protecting citizens is overly broad; gun nuts can as easily point to their claimed need to “defend themselves.”

Then there’s that apparently some private citizens saw Pittsburgh’s attempt to pass gun control as “official oppression” and attempted to file a criminal complaint:[15]

“This matter involves a City of Pittsburgh ordinance that never came into existence. It still does not exist,” [Allegheny County District Attorney Stephen A. Zappala, Jr.] said. “You cannot enforce an individual’s grievances against a law that does not exist.”

Three days after city council passed its gun regulation in April 2019, a group of private citizens went to the district attorney’s office and tried to file private criminal complaints against then-Mayor Bill Peduto and six city council members alleging official oppression.

Zappala refused to accept the complaints. His office said that until the city of Pittsburgh cited someone for violating the gun legislation, he could not consider a private criminal complaint.[16]

The Commonwealth Court, overturning a Court of Common Pleas ruling, disagrees, finding that Allegheny County District Attorney Stephen A. Zappala, Jr., erred.[17]

Update, June 11, 2022: So the mayor, Ed Gainey, toured the South Side and he didn’t like what he saw.

“We saw open containers, we saw clear public intoxication, we saw fights, we saw people who were clearly underage,” said [City Councilman Bruce] Kraus, whose district includes East Carson Street. “([Mayor Ed] Gainey) kept saying, ‘This is not good, this is not sustainable.’”[18]

To tell you the truth, I don’t think there’s a lot about Pittsburgh generally that’s sustainable. The mayor started his tour at 1 am.[19] I cut off orders at 7:30 pm, and, after stopping for a car wash and gas and driving home, am generally off the road by 9:00 pm. I don’t even come close to seeing the half of it. But I’m old enough to know trouble when I see it and the South Side is trouble.[20]

Update, July 1, 2022: I look at the violence in Pittsburgh and I just don’t understand how anyone can be so delusional as to imagine that adding more guns to the mix will reduce the bloodshed. It’s a complete contradiction to me.

So my reaction to gun nuts suing to bring more guns into Washington, D.C.,[21] is first, to be absolutely flummoxed, and second, to think of it as enabling militia groups, enabling another coup attempt. It’s absolute madness.

I realize that there is a denial among Donald Trump’s followers that the January 6, 2021, coup attempt was anywhere near as serious as it was. But that only reinforces the delusional character of this lawsuit. And, following the logic of this suit, how long before we’re back to allowing guns on commercial airliners?

  1. [1]Ray Charles, “Night Time Is the Right Time,” YouTube, November 29, 2011, https://youtu.be/PuNzqDUvods↩
  2. [2]Sean Collier, “The South Side Problem With No Solution,” Pittsburgh, May 24, 2021, https://www.pittsburghmagazine.com/perspectives-the-south-side-problem-with-no-solution/↩
  3. [3]Brian C. Rittmeyer, “Pittsburgh police investigating shootout at South Side Flats clothing store,” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, April 17, 2022, https://triblive.com/local/pittsburgh-police-investigating-shootout-at-south-side-flats-clothing-store/; Erika Stanish, “Leaders call for crowd control on South Side to curb violence,” KDKA-TV, June 4, 2022, https://www.cbsnews.com/pittsburgh/news/south-side-crowd-control-violence/↩
  4. [4]Erika Stanish, “Leaders call for crowd control on South Side to curb violence,” KDKA-TV, June 4, 2022, https://www.cbsnews.com/pittsburgh/news/south-side-crowd-control-violence/↩
  5. [5]Erika Stanish, “Leaders call for crowd control on South Side to curb violence,” KDKA-TV, June 4, 2022, https://www.cbsnews.com/pittsburgh/news/south-side-crowd-control-violence/↩
  6. [6]Bob Bauder, “Judge strikes down Pittsburgh’s controversial gun bills,” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, October 29, 2019, https://triblive.com/local/pittsburgh-allegheny/judge-strikes-down-pittsburghs-controversial-gun-bills/; Julia Felton, “Pennsylvania Commonwealth Court rules against Pittsburgh gun regulations,” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, May 27, 2022, https://triblive.com/local/pennsylvania-commonwealth-court-rules-against-pittsburgh-gun-regulations/; Angela Couloumbis and Stephen Caruso, “Pennsylvania’s highest court could give cities the go-ahead to craft their own gun laws,” Public Source, June 1, 2022, https://www.publicsource.org/pennsylvanias-highest-court-could-give-cities-the-go-ahead-to-craft-their-own-gun-laws/↩
  7. [7]Campbell Robertson, Christopher Mele, and Sabrina Tavernise, “11 Killed in Synagogue Massacre; Suspect Charged With 29 Counts,” New York Times, October 27, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/27/us/active-shooter-pittsburgh-synagogue-shooting.html↩
  8. [8]Jesse Bunch and Andrew Goldstein, “In the Hill District, residents grapple with recent spike in gun violence,” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, April 16, 2022, https://www.post-gazette.com/news/crime-courts/2022/04/16/pittsburgh-hill-district-gun-violence-shootings/stories/202204140127; Megan Guza, “3 shot in Pittsburgh’s Hill District,” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, April 12, 2022, https://triblive.com/local/3-shot-in-pittsburghs-hill-district/; Sarafina James, “Man assaulted, hospitalized following crash in Pittsburgh’s Hill District,” WPXI, April 8, 2022, https://www.wpxi.com/news/local/man-assaulted-hospitalized-following-crash-pittsburghs-hill-district/CCH6JMSD6NAQXKODHLNFIETOZ4/; Nick Matoney, “Man shot multiple times in Pittsburgh’s Hill District,” WTAE, March 25, 2022, https://www.wtae.com/article/man-shot-multiple-times-in-pittsburghs-hill-district/39534380; WPXI, “19-year-old killed, 1 other injured in Hill District shooting,” April 11, 2022, https://www.wpxi.com/news/local/2-people-injured-hill-district-shooting/XL2XHK7AVFEVDD42QUYIGUDSOQ/↩
  9. [9]Associated Press, “Gov. Tom Wolf Vetoes Bills On Firearms During Emergencies And Gas Drilling Regulation,” KDKA-TV, November 26, 2020, https://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2020/11/26/wolf-vetoes-three-bills/; Stephen Caruso, “Pro 2nd Amendment lawmakers want to let you carry a gun during an emergency,” Pennsylvania Capital-Star, July 7, 2020, https://www.penncapital-star.com/government-politics/pro-2nd-amendment-lawmakers-want-to-let-you-carry-a-gun-during-an-emergency/; Jon Delano, “Lawrence Co. Lawmaker Wants To Abolish Concealed Carry Gun Permits,” KDKA-TV, May 7, 2019, https://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2019/05/07/aaron-bernstine-abolish-pennsylvania-concealed-carry-law/↩
  10. [10]Erika Stanish, “Leaders call for crowd control on South Side to curb violence,” KDKA-TV, June 4, 2022, https://www.cbsnews.com/pittsburgh/news/south-side-crowd-control-violence/↩
  11. [11]It has long been apparent to me, and certainly not just in Pittsburgh, that a segment of the population conflates getting drunk with being social. And Pittsburgh has been described to me, pretty clearly with some justice, as “a drinking town with a football problem.” From the conversations I overhear in the back of my car as an Uber driver, it’s apparent that that perception of drunkenness as a preferable condition is particularly prevalent here.↩
  12. [12]Angela Couloumbis and Stephen Caruso, “Pennsylvania’s highest court could give cities the go-ahead to craft their own gun laws,” Public Source, June 1, 2022, https://www.publicsource.org/pennsylvanias-highest-court-could-give-cities-the-go-ahead-to-craft-their-own-gun-laws/↩
  13. [13]Angela Couloumbis and Stephen Caruso, “Pennsylvania’s highest court could give cities the go-ahead to craft their own gun laws,” Public Source, June 1, 2022, https://www.publicsource.org/pennsylvanias-highest-court-could-give-cities-the-go-ahead-to-craft-their-own-gun-laws/↩
  14. [14]Angela Couloumbis and Stephen Caruso, “Pennsylvania’s highest court could give cities the go-ahead to craft their own gun laws,” Public Source, June 1, 2022, https://www.publicsource.org/pennsylvanias-highest-court-could-give-cities-the-go-ahead-to-craft-their-own-gun-laws/↩
  15. [15]Paula Reed Ward, “Court says Zappala erred in ignoring criminal complaints on gun legislation,” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, June 7, 2022, https://triblive.com/news/top-stories/commonwealth-court-says-zappala-erred-in-ignoring-criminal-complaints-on-gun-legislation/↩
  16. [16]Paula Reed Ward, “Court says Zappala erred in ignoring criminal complaints on gun legislation,” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, June 7, 2022, https://triblive.com/news/top-stories/commonwealth-court-says-zappala-erred-in-ignoring-criminal-complaints-on-gun-legislation/↩
  17. [17]Paula Reed Ward, “Court says Zappala erred in ignoring criminal complaints on gun legislation,” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, June 7, 2022, https://triblive.com/news/top-stories/commonwealth-court-says-zappala-erred-in-ignoring-criminal-complaints-on-gun-legislation/↩
  18. [18]Michael Pound, “City councilman: South Side walk was an ‘eye-opener’ for Mayor Gainey,” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, June 11, 2022, https://www.post-gazette.com/local/city/2022/06/11/gainey-city-officials-walk-south-side-east-carson-safety-gun-violence/stories/202206110037↩
  19. [19]Michael Pound, “City councilman: South Side walk was an ‘eye-opener’ for Mayor Gainey,” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, June 11, 2022, https://www.post-gazette.com/local/city/2022/06/11/gainey-city-officials-walk-south-side-east-carson-safety-gun-violence/stories/202206110037↩
  20. [20]David Benfell, “Night time is the right time to confuse your gun for your penis,” Not Housebroken, June 7, 2022, https://disunitedstates.org/2022/06/05/night-time-is-the-right-time-to-confuse-your-gun-for-your-penis/↩
  21. [21]Paul Duggan, “Gun owners sue D.C., demanding to carry firearms on Metro,” Washington Post, June 30, 2022, https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2022/06/30/lawsuit-guns-dc-metro-buses/↩

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