Paris Hilton finds a god

Even behind bars, Paris Hilton has access to the media. Now she says she’s found “God,” presumably the god of Abraham, and will stop acting dumb. According to the Independent:

Hilton’s conversion appears to have taken place with remarkable speed. Just on Friday she was crying in court and calling out for her mother as Judge Michael Sauer overturned the sheriff department’s decision to transfer her to house arrest and ordered her back to her 8ft by 12ft cell. “It’s not fair,” she whimpered.

Actually, the version I got was more about screaming than whimpering.

After her conviction last month, Hilton enjoyed distinctly cushy treatment from the LA sheriff – who, it has since emerged, received a chunky re-election contribution from Hilton’s grandfather last year. First she was told she would serve only 23 days of her 45-day sentence as long as she behaved herself. Then, barely three days after she checked herself into the prison system on 3 June, she was sent home to serve out the remainder of her sentence under house arrest – for unspecified medical reasons.

Unspecified medical reasons? For some reason, only CNN would report that according to, she had a problem with the food. “I was not eating or sleeping. I was severely depressed and felt as if I was in a cage. I was not myself. It was a horrible experience,” she told Barbara Walters.

So “distinctly cushy treatment from the LA sheriff” wasn’t good enough for her. The mattress on the cot was too thin, the pillow wasn’t what she was accustomed to, and the blanket might have been scratchy. Plus, the food sucked.

So this spoiled rich bitch–to call her anything more polite would be an insult to others of her ethnicity and gender–now hopes for help from the biggest daddy of them all, a daddy that many turn to on the rationalization that they need help to manage their behavior, a behavior that Hilton has used in her remorseless and relentless self-promotion. According to the Times:

The comments appeared to be further confirmation that Hilton and her advisers are trying to make up for the public relations disaster of her behaviour last week, when was dragged back to jail crying and screaming after a Superior Court judge decided that she should not have been released after serving three days of a 45-day sentence for a breach of probation.

Ah, yes. Screaming was the version I got. Screaming for attention from a media all too willing to grant it to her as a diversion from real issues.

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